Louisiana Iris

Finally blooming nearly a year after being planted.

One of the many reasons springtime makes me smile.

Three One

Dear Stew,

Today is your 31st birthday.

Thirty-one years. You've done quite a lot in those eleven thousand, three hundred and fifteen days. Some days have been incredible. Others, not so much. Point is, you've made it through them all. And you've become you. I really, really like you.

I hope today turns out to be one of the incredible ones. I hope this year is your best one yet.



Love,

Me

Itching for Revenge

Retaliation. For THIS. You knew it was coming.
So did Lisa, I guess, but she probably wasn't predicting...



CRABS IN HER BUSH !!!!!!

My original plan was to get a big bag of little fake rubber dog poos and scatter them all over her yard, sidewalk, porch, car, etc. But they don't sell fake rubber dog poo anymore. So I settled on a big bag-o-crabs.



And because I'm an equal-opportunity crabber, I gave them a little case of mail crabs as well.



Neighborhood Wars: They're highly contagious.

Stewisms

Stew: What's the name of that egg casserole thing you make?

Me: It's called a frittata.

Stew: Like Nelly Frittata?

Me: Eggsactly.

Revenge of the Turds

Remember THIS post?

Yeah, well I got home from work a couple days ago and found this in my front yard:

First reaction? The pooping dog sign reads my blog!

Actual first reaction? Lisa committed Grand Theft Yard Sign.

Turns out my instinct was correct. Mostly.

My sneaky friend Lisa did in fact deface decorate my property with that awful pooping dog sign, but the sign was obtained completely legally. She didn't steal it from around the corner. She bought it. Which says a lot about my friends. They'll stoop to the level of spending their hard-earned money on useless crap (pun intended) just to give me a good laugh.

Now I just have to come up with a plan of revenge. One that rivals The Great Toilet-Papering of 2009 (in which i used toilet paper that Lisa bought me...because I'm ruthless)...

Lisa, consider yourself warned. Muahahahahaha....

Who are you? who-who, who-who?

Hello (hello...hello...)

Is there anybody out there (out there...out there...)


So they tell me today is National Delurker Day. (Translation: National Day where you step out of the shadows of internet anonymity and leave a comment on my page to let me know that there are people out there in the universe besides my parents who may have stumbled upon this blog and had their minds blown by my way with words had at least a vague interest in any of what I have to say.

Interestingly enough, I recently checked my blogger stats. You know, the ones that tell you what Google searches lead people to your site? So far the top 2 Google searches that have led people to Stewzie? MY DOG ATE A BRILLO PAD and REDNECK HALLOWEEN. Am I proud of my online legacy? You bet I am. I'm the go-to girl for dog vomit and hillbilly costumes!

I know that random strangers are out there. Poor, unsuspecting souls who desperately search for advice on just what the hell to do when your dog DOES swallow steel wool...but find THIS. People looking for top-notch white-trashiness...hit the jackpot with THIS.

So do me a favor and tell me who you are. Doesn't matter if I don't know ya. In fact, that's the whole point of today. I WANT TO KNOW YOU! Doesn't matter if I do know ya. I still need to know you're reading. Without comments, I don't have a clue who my audience is. Please, go forth and comment! C'mon, you know you want to!

Incentive: If I get 10 comments, I just might post a picture of my brillo-swallowing dog wearing full-on redneck attire!

Seriously

Is having a painted wooden yard sign depicting a dog taking a dump in your yard... THAT much more appealing than risking having a dog take an actual dump in your yard?

Is it bad that I really want to go get one of those fake little rubber dog poos and place it smack underneath that atrocious yard sign? Just for fun?