I hate to be Debbie Downer or Pouty Patty during a time of cheer, but I have received some pretty lame Christmas presents over the years. It's likely you have too. I decided that I'd honor those gifts (and their givers) in a little list. Now you don't feel so alone and hopeless for getting socks and a fruitcake. We're all in this together.
Gift: A half-used bottle of roll-on perfume
Giver: My Great-Aunt Jewell
A half empty bottle is one thing, but the fact that it was rolled on another person's skin is quite another thing.
Gift: The Superman Superheroes Children's Cookbook
Giver: My Great-Aunt Jewell (are you noticing a pattern?)
Actually a really fun cookbook for kids, except that in the first paragraph of the introduction, I learned that eating too much food is what makes you fat. Up until then (at age 11) I seriously had no idea that overeating caused obesity. I totally could have lived my life in ignorant bliss if Aunt Jewell and Superman hadn't schooled me on that fact of life.
Gift: A box of bubble wrap
Giver: My Mother, Leanna
I actually think this was a really creative gift (I LOVE BUBBLE WRAP), it's just that when you unwrap a giant box on Christmas morning you expect there to be something in there besides packaging material.
Gift: A microwave potato chip maker
Giver: My Husband, Stewart
Because it's much more economical to spend 3 hours cutting potato slices and ending up with twelve soggy chips than to go to the Kwik-E-Mart and pick up a bag of Lay's for 99 cents.
Gift: A microwave radiation detector
Giver: Again, My Husband, Stewart
Nothing says "Happy Birthday Baby Jesus" like the threat of a defective household appliance.
This year, I hope you get everything you ever wanted for Christmas. And I hope that my husband doesn't buy 75% of my gifts from the As Seen on TV store. If you need to vent about the awful presents that you've experienced - comment below!
As Always,
Stewzie
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