Die Vampire Die

*Disclaimer* If you're looking for the usual Stewzie carefree wit - proceed with caution. This post might get a bit introspective. Deep, even. But I'm probably overdue for a post that has more substance. Not that my dog wearing fake boobs doesn't qualify as substance, but you get the idea.

One more warning: Deep often equals LONG WINDED. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Last night as my pal Frances (Hi Fran!) and I took in a performance of [Title of Show] I was struck by the lyrics of a particular song.

Listen closely,
a vampire is any person or thought or feeling
that stands between you and your creative self expression,
but vampires can assume many seductive forms.

When I started writing Stewzie, my anxiety-prone mind (more on that later) immediately went into self-doubt mode. What if I share too much? What if I don't share enough? What if I should just shut out my thoughts and not write anything at all? Nobody cares what I have to say. I'm not good enough, interesting enough, creative enough, amusing enough, confident enough, witty enough, intelligent enough, committed enough, etc., etc., ETC. What if nobody reads my writing? Or worse. What if people read, but think my writing sucks? What if my mother disowns me because I just typed the word SUCKS for the entire interweb to read? And now her only daughter, pride and joy, has written a naughty word in a post that's archived forever for the whole world to see. Or double worse. What if I use the word SUCKS in a grammatically incorrect sentence? Some things are unforgivable.

At times, I can't wait to spill the juicy details of a story with all of you. Other times, it takes me weeks of worry before I can hit "Publish" and unleash the latest post. Writing is a very personal expression for me. I don't take it lightly. No matter how trivial the post. I poke fun, use a bit of too much sarcasm, express opinions, share photos, transcribe conversations. What if someone takes my words out of context? Gets offended? Or worse. Gets BORED. What if my husband gets his feelings hurt because I tell the world about his incessant SNORING? This is the live feed that plays 24/7 on my conscience.

Why is it that if some dude walked up to me on the subway platform
and said these things, I’d think he was a mentally ill a**hole,
but if the vampire inside my head says it,
It’s the voice of reason.

Until now, most of my writing has leaned toward the lighter side. Mostly entertaining, not too revealing. GUARDED. But, because I strive to become a better writer, I vow to share more. Because I want you to know the real ME, I vow to share more. Because I shouldn't be ashamed of the real me, I vow to share more. Rest assured, however, that a large majority of my posts will still discuss pointless yet riveting topics such as my hatred of Walmart and my love of all things Snoball. The bottom line is that there is more to me than humor and lame attempts at humor. Much more. I hope.

I'll likely still contemplate the what ifs. I'll likely still be cautious, scared even. But I will try my stewziest not to let myself sabotage.......myself.

Today, I'm staring my doubts in the eye and declaring "Die Vampire Die."