Nappy McNapperson

On a recent day off from work - due to yours truly feeling a bit under the weather - I did what any red-blooded American would do. I took a NAP. Why the NAP in caps? Because NAPPING is one of the many (few) talents I possess. So it deserves some respect.

I had fancy new (clean!) 400 thread count white sheets on the bed. The NAPPING conditions were perfect, aside from the backhoes, excavators and concrete trucks parading in my front yard to build a new driveway for the neighbor who had her house raised because it NEVER flooded. NAPPING through noise, luckily, is not so much of a challenge for me.

Which reminds me of a story Stew likes to tell about the time he was awoken out of a deep slumber to the sound of a squirrel who had fallen inside our bedroom wall. Said squirrel (who will now be referred to as Richard) was scratching his little squirrel heart out in an attempt to make his way back to the comfort of our attic. Richard was making quite a little squirrel ruckus, and Stew did the only logical thing to do when Richard is stuck in your wall at 3:00 a.m. He grabbed the trusty Maglite and commenced to beating the crap outta the sheetrock. For a solid 2 hours. Because apparently squirrels respond well to that. Guess who slept through the whole thing? If an elephant strapped on a tuba and played Yankee Doodle Dandee while marching across my mattress, guess who would sleep through the whole thing?

Where was I? Right. NAPTIME. So I snuggle myself up and conk out. And I wake up to 100 lbs. of fuzzy brown puppy snores. His back right foot is tucked under my armpit and his fat meatball head is upside down between my shins. My right arm is pretzeled between his left leg and tail. Pause for a moment and visualize a human and Chocolate lab conjoined twin. And we can't be separated cause of the proximity of vital organs. So Snugglebritches looks up and says to me "uurrghmmfff," and then stretches his limbs so far that his toes and my sinuses become fast friends. Then we both drift back off to Lala Land. Me dreaming about how lucky I am that he chose Stew's side of the clean white sheets, and Sleepy McGee dreaming about bacon and well, bacon.

Point is, sometimes dogs eat your Irish Spring soap and drool toilet water all over your the kitchen floor you just mopped. Other times, they know just what you need to feel better on a sick day.

Christmas afternoon nap - 2008