My 2nd Annual 29th Birthday

Today. May 3rd. Marks the date of my birth. Thirty years ago. THIRTY. Three whole decades.

I was asked this weekend if I was dreading the big 3-0. To tell you the truth, I haven't been. And I'm not freaking out now that I am. Officially. THAT age.

Honestly, 25 was the age that really hit me. In the face. Hard. I was at the grocery store buying candles for my own birthday cake (which is depressing in and of itself). Not sure if you've ever noticed, but birthday candles come in packs of 24. I was 25. Which meant I needed 2 packs of candles. FORTY EIGHT candles. I had graduated to the same candle bracket as a 48-year-old. Gone were the carefree days of simply one pack of candles! Also gone were the days of someone else taking care of the birthday candle buying, but that's a whole different issue.

Later on that year, I saw a billboard advertising the 25th Anniversary of Popeye's. Great, now I'm the same age as fried chicken.

It probably didn't help that at age 25, I was a few steps behind where I thought I'd be at that age. Sure, I had scored an awesome husband, but I still hadn't completed college or bought a house. I thought I'd surely have done both by then. After a whole quarter century! Then Katrina came and well, nothing really throws your life plans off track like a natural disaster.

Here's the good news. I made it to 30. And I'm happy about what I've accomplished thus far. Here's a recap of the past decade of me:

2000 - dropped out of LSU, planned my wedding, married the one and only Stewart Alexis

2001 - moved to Washington, lived on a military base, bought AUSTIN, bought AUSTIN a new $3,000 leg, cried when AUSTIN ate the whole roll of film that documented Stewzie's first year as a married couple

2002 - bought Black Betty, was voted Employee of the Year, moved back to Louisiana, readjusted to heat and humidity

2003 to 2004 - worked, saved, had my purse stolen by crackheads, missed Stew a lot (he worked offshore)

2005 - went back to college, paid for it myself, continued working full time, turned 25 along with a 2 piece, white meat, spicy, with a side of dirty rice, a biscuit and a red drink, got Katrina'd, lived in Arkansas for a month with 9 dogs and a whole mess of people, came back home and removed my neighbors' carport from our backyard, got a new job

2006 - went back to college (again), got a 4.0, kept working, paid off Black Betty, became an Aunt

2007 - kept my 4.0 streak alive, started househunting, kept working full time

2008 - bought a house, renovated it every night for 9 months, kept my job, my husband and my GPA but lost my sanity, EARNED my degree and finally graduated

2009 - learned to relax, thanked my husband, went public with my snoball love affair, started Stewzie

2010 - had a crazy dream that the Saints won the Super Bowl, realized it wasn't just a dream, dressed like a toothless hillbilly not once but twice, then turned THIRTY

Whew.

This is just a tiny percentage of the ups, downs, and in betweens of the past 10 years. If you are the one who created the above, good or bad, THANK YOU, I am truly blessed. If you have been a part of any of the above, good or bad, THANK YOU. If you weren't a part of any of the above, THANK YOU, because you're reading this now and that means you're a part of today. My 2nd Annual 29th Birthday. The first day of the rest of my life.


"Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty." - Robert Frost

Putting the fun in dysfunctional

On a 1-10 scale-o-trashiness, with 1 being (Champagne and Caviar at a 5-star restaurant with the Queen of England) and 10 being (Mountain Dew and Vienna Sausages on the tailgate of Second Cousin Bobby Earl's 1983 Ford Pickup),....

...I'd say Trailer Bash 2010 ranked somewhere around a 10.3, which is of course (Moonshine and Spam Sammiches in the kitchenette of Grandpappy's Double-Wide). For those of you wondering, Stew's glossy perm-mullet helped push the trash level over the 10-point mark. That may be the only time I ever mention Stew's name and Ten Point in the same sentence. JUST KIDDING, HONEY, YOU'RE A FANTASTIC DEER HUNTER!!

For all you classy people (Yankees) who need a translation: The Party. Was. Awesome. I mean, what party with barbecue pork rinds and aerosol cheese isn't awesome?

Check out some of my favorite photos of the night - taken with my iPhone new-fangled cellular talkin contraption.

Tastier than tater tots -n- Cheez Whiz

This weekend, a good friend of ours (Hi Gizz!) is throwing a White Trash Bash in honor of Stewzie's Redneckalicious Mardi Gras 2010 costumes.



He requested that I bring the ultimate trailer park dessert; my infamous Kitty Litter Cake.



If you don't happen to have an extra bag of Fresh Step lying around (for the 17 cats living in your double-wide), here's a recipe that tastes almost as good as the real thing. Although nothing is quite as yummy as an authentic, protein-rich nugget of kitty poop. Mmmm boy. It'll make your party guests yell "YEEHAW!"



KITTY LITTER CAKE
1 box German chocolate cake mix
1 box white cake mix
1 large pkg. vanilla instant pudding mix
1 pkg. vanilla sandwich cookies
Green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls
1 new (and definitely unused) kitty litter pan
1 new Pooper Scooper

(all ingredients can be found at the local Piggly Wiggly)

Prepare cake mixes and bake according to directions (any size pans).

Prepare pudding mix and chill until ready to assemble.

Crumble white sandwich cookies in small batches in food processor, scraping often. Set aside all but about 1/4 cup.

To the 1/4 cup cookie crumbs, add a few drops green food coloring and mix using a fork or shake in a jar.

When cakes are cooled to room temperature, crumble into a large bowl. Toss with half the remaining white cookie crumbs and the chilled pudding. (Mix in just enough of the pudding to moisten it. You don't want it soggy. Combine gently).

Put mixture into litter box.

Put a few unwrapped Tootsie rolls in a microwave safe dish and heat until soft and pliable.

Shape ends so they are no longer blunt, curving slightly (to resemble a cat turd). Repeat with several more Tootsie rolls and bury in mixture.

Sprinkle the other half of cookie crumbs over top.

Scatter the green cookie crumbs lightly over the top. (This is supposed to look like the chlorophyll in kitty litter.)

Heat 3 Tootsie Rolls in the microwave until almost melted.

Arrange them on top of the cake; sprinkle with cookie crumbs.

Spread remaining Tootsie Rolls over the top; take one and heat until pliable, hang it over the side of the kitty litter box, sprinkling it lightly with cookie crumbs.

Place the box on a newspaper and sprinkle a few of the cookie crumbs around.

Serve with a new (new is optional) pooper scooper.

Playing Dress-Up

Good news. I've secured Halloween 2009 costume #2. And since I'm a bit of a (shameless) costume connoisseur, I guarantee it will not disappoint. For disclaimer purposes, the management of this blog would like to state that this is in no way a money-back guarantee.

So, in honor of the most incredible holiday (aside from Mardi Gras, and of course Groundhog Day), I've put together a compilation here of Stewzie costumes from the past few years.

Oh, the Halloween ideas that spew from my imagination like liquid hot MAGMA from a volcano. Or raw sewage from that one time your septic system malfunctioned. You decide.